Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
