about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
