This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
