Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
