Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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