Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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