I just made out with a guy for $7.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
