His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
