i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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