I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
