it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Randomize
