who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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