took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
