i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
