plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
