That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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