He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I don't think brook has ever known best
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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