At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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