Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
