My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
