plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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