Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize