Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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