She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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