R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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