I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
