dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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