Apparently you make a good broom.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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