Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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