I faked an abortion last night.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
