I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
