If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
