I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize