my soul wont recognize me after tonight
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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