What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
