I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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