Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize