i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
