I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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