How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
