when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
