the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
