I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
