you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize