my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
