just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize