Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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