Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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