We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
