I think my vagina is haunted
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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