i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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