She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
