I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
