Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I intend to get homeless drunk
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
