And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
