Sorry, I don't speak sober.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize