I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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