What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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