just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
