I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
"it" just moved
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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