He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
